So I’ve been seeing………………….. Let me rephrase that We were never even dating…….. I just put my heart on my sleeve again!
Like I just finished telling a friend! Theres she is doing it again! Same kind of guy and same situation! Gr I cant say i feel stupid cause I ALWAYS feel stupid!
God people really arent great with advice!! Why would you tell your friend whose really smart and has been through a SHIT ton of event in her life and sit there and say what everyone els says. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!!!
FOR FUCK SAKE you dont know if its a mistake still after its over or you’re into deep! I really wish things were as easy to be done as it is to sit here and write these worthless words! Thats all they are is worthless!!! Worthless thoughts, ideas, inspirations, hopes, feelings, worthless everything!
I know you’re sitting there reading this going WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH U EMO KID! Idk maybe ask me whats wrong! Then DONT TELL ME what u think i should do just hug me and let me cry and be there! Why do people think they need to comment on everything some times actions speak louder then words! and to tell yeah the truth most of my friends speak far to much that they dont know how to shut up!
Just set my Facebook to Complete “Only me” setting! I figure why let those people who are NO GOOD with words to keep posting on my page! Its useless!
I’m getting a second and third job so I can move out into my own apartment! To get away from people! Then I’m saving a shit ton of money and just leaving! Going somewhere warm and open and new! no one knows me! To just start over and to stop being a failure to people or at least to try to not be! ( I can only hope right )
I feel lost! Truely lost!
Anyway back on the track of the first part of these worthless words! I was we’ll call it “seeing” I was seeing this guy named Jesse! I really like him! Ive been seeing him for a month or so! I asked him the other day if I was his type and he said no not at all! I seriously feel like emotional shit right now! So I’m hanging out with him tomorrow……….. I’m going to show him what it REALLY looks like to just be friends! Since he told me he doesnt want a “real” relationship and has no intentions on dating me! I’m sorry but friends dont sleep together sexually! GOD he has me so pissed off! He was so romantic and was opening up to me! SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS RIGHT NOW!!!
When i talk to anyone else they just tell me everything I already know! Except for my bestie Megan She helps alot!!! ❤
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……………….. I dont know weather crying or screaming would help!!
I’m just blank…………………………….
Im going to go…….. Later,
I guess its not ok to be alright with your body and bring to life what you imagine!!!! huh? makes lots of sense i thought thats what art is for to bring to life what goes through your mind. I HAVE NEVER made porn pictures EVER and i NEVER will! but to some ppl my pictures are to much for them to handle. Which is fun i have no pictures of my body parts no nipples, vag areas or such like that! its amusing is all
You know i dont understand why people go out of there way to be as*holes about others artwork. Not ALL OF US ARE NORMAL! not all of us think and act like you do, not all of us like seeing normal everyday artwork! ITS BORING! We want to see change originality! Sorry i f i dont spell something words right! lol i gots a SPelling disorder XD
so if you do have a problem with nude pictures DONT LOOK AT THEM they all have warnings on them! and if its cause your a woman who doesnt like seeing other woman naked or just being sexy then DONT LOOK OR COMMENT!!! Or if its because youre agaisnt that kind of stuff then DONT LOOK ETHER! I am completely agaisnt dirty porn pictures but i do like nudes! but they have to be artistic! and no a dirty poise with a filter on it IS NOT ARTWORK!
Just thought id get that off my chest (XD i said chest)<—————haha joke see f u n n y.
Also some of us enjoy life and enjoy laughing weather that would be not very mature thing to laugh at or not OH WELL at least were not stuck up as*holes who hate their lives and take it out on everyone else!!! GR XD
I know perverted name for this entry.
I just wanted to write stating i DONT wear wigs! the colors of my hair are usually real or i have a filter on the WHOLE piece!
and also any of the pictures i do for anime or cosplay i KNOW its just a anime! BIG DEAL! cant a girl have fun! I’m not a slut but im also not a prude! I’m ok with my “girls” maybe not my whole body which is why i dont have the whole thing on here!! XD I’m picky about my body! but what girl isn’t. But if your one of those people who arent happy with their bodies and go around and make other people feel bad too then LEAVE MY PAGE NOW! i dont want someone who is that hateful toward others on my page! im a “hippie” type of girl! Yes i bitch and rant BIG DEAL! i have things to talk about! and im not afraid to say them ether! Im sorry but to be a artist you have to have some balls. Weather they are real or just metal ones on your lip/nose ring! thats the whole point of art. Pushing bountaries! Being out side of box! Showing people the OTHER side! it might be scary creep weird goofy or just plain F*cked up but oh well at least we have enough courage to show those ideas to the world!
But till i have something else to rant about
This is about two pieces of art work i made and put on Devaintart! Ill put a link down belllllooooowwwww so you can go see them!
HUGS MUCH LOVE ❤
I know i go on and on about TMNT but I think i really know why i love them so much.
They and i have so much in common! No one really understands us nor really wants to try!
We are all outcasts, freaks, worthless to this world except our friends/family. If only they
were real! I’d finally have someone who REALLY understands why i cry at night. BTW I am
NEVER this open with anyone but im sick of ppl misreading me and my words! They know
It truly means to love, be lone, afraid, worthless just like i do!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81MNHucsTQo I just watched this and it is the best AMV
i have EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!! Much love to that person!! that is video editing talents right
Today as you know was april fools day! well i almost forgot!! XD I only remembered due to this creepy smily thing on Deviantart.com XD you can see him in the picture above! god i love deviant! they really know how to keep you on your toes
well i must go my last week at O.D. thank god. Goodbye cashier dead end job!!! hello money and world
I’ve been at my cousin’s house here at 7mountains camp ground! I’ve been watching the camp ground for them! They have two beautiful kitties named Charle and Penny. and they have a gekco!!!
I wish i had my own place here! Its so quiet and no ones here!!! No hearing every footstep someone makes or hearing a fucking tv all day and night! BTW i DONT watch TV. I hate it!! its stupid all the same shit just different actors!! GR I do like criminal minds, house, chowder, and damn cant think of anymore!!!
i love the way Tool makes the atmosphere feel! brings back old memories that i shared with my ex best friend Josh! I miss him a great deal but he has a girlfriend now so of course friendship with another girl is not a option! Stupid i know but that is society now!
I keep sitting here thinking of my new job as a pro photographer! and how much money ill be making but i still dont have someone special to share it with! but i guess that will come in time!
someone i work with said that the one guy i was with a week or so ago wants me as more then a f-friend and im sorry but i dont see that! hes a player and not worth my time, body or love! Had that before not dealing with that again!
One thing i will try my hards on in my life will be meeting Linkin Park!!! Megan and i will meet them if its the last thing i do! I am determined too!! They got me through so much in my life!
Well i gots to go,
i feel so alone right now. I hate it. I just want to cry my heart out. I wish i had what most people have. A. Normal. Life. or something close to it!
I wish they were real. The only thing that I’ve ever felt truly close to! I know it’s silly! But i’ve never had a mom and never really had a dad. I’ve been past around to every family but never really been taking care of by the ones i’m to be taken care of! I’ve always had to fight for what i wanted ALWAYS! Love, money, life, happiness! I just one thing to want to fight for me! and maybe thats why i fell for Raphael. Because he always fights for his family! Why cant i find someone like that. I’m not searching for it but i do dream about it every night. To be held by someone who truly cares for you! Someone to protect me for once. Instead of having to protect myself all the time. I’ve almost given up all hope when i was 14. I didnt want to wake up anymore. It’s still fresh in my mind the feeling i had that day. As i was bleeding out i felt freedom like I could breath for once! Not having to make sure i was doing this for someone or watching what i was doing at all times! I should have dead that day but strangely i stopped bleeding. Cut was so deep, long and followed the vain prefectly there was no reason for me to have lived. But here i am. So there most be something improtant i’m here to do.
I love the TMNTs because they know my pain and i know theirs! I stick myself in their world to keep the pain away. But sometimes like now its creeps up and drags me under! I fight my hardest to keep smiling, laughing or just not letting it take a hold but it still does!
I’m going to bed to help this to go away,