So I’ve been seeing………………….. Let me rephrase that We were never even dating…….. I just put my heart on my sleeve again!
Like I just finished telling a friend! Theres she is doing it again! Same kind of guy and same situation! Gr I cant say i feel stupid cause I ALWAYS feel stupid!
God people really arent great with advice!! Why would you tell your friend whose really smart and has been through a SHIT ton of event in her life and sit there and say what everyone els says. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!!!
FOR FUCK SAKE you dont know if its a mistake still after its over or you’re into deep! I really wish things were as easy to be done as it is to sit here and write these worthless words! Thats all they are is worthless!!! Worthless thoughts, ideas, inspirations, hopes, feelings, worthless everything!
I know you’re sitting there reading this going WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH U EMO KID! Idk maybe ask me whats wrong! Then DONT TELL ME what u think i should do just hug me and let me cry and be there! Why do people think they need to comment on everything some times actions speak louder then words! and to tell yeah the truth most of my friends speak far to much that they dont know how to shut up!
Just set my Facebook to Complete “Only me” setting! I figure why let those people who are NO GOOD with words to keep posting on my page! Its useless!
I’m getting a second and third job so I can move out into my own apartment! To get away from people! Then I’m saving a shit ton of money and just leaving! Going somewhere warm and open and new! no one knows me! To just start over and to stop being a failure to people or at least to try to not be! ( I can only hope right )
I feel lost! Truely lost!
Anyway back on the track of the first part of these worthless words! I was we’ll call it “seeing” I was seeing this guy named Jesse! I really like him! Ive been seeing him for a month or so! I asked him the other day if I was his type and he said no not at all! I seriously feel like emotional shit right now! So I’m hanging out with him tomorrow……….. I’m going to show him what it REALLY looks like to just be friends! Since he told me he doesnt want a “real” relationship and has no intentions on dating me! I’m sorry but friends dont sleep together sexually! GOD he has me so pissed off! He was so romantic and was opening up to me! SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS RIGHT NOW!!!
When i talk to anyone else they just tell me everything I already know! Except for my bestie Megan She helps alot!!! ❤
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……………….. I dont know weather crying or screaming would help!!
I’m just blank…………………………….
Im going to go…….. Later,
I’ve been at my cousin’s house here at 7mountains camp ground! I’ve been watching the camp ground for them! They have two beautiful kitties named Charle and Penny. and they have a gekco!!!
I wish i had my own place here! Its so quiet and no ones here!!! No hearing every footstep someone makes or hearing a fucking tv all day and night! BTW i DONT watch TV. I hate it!! its stupid all the same shit just different actors!! GR I do like criminal minds, house, chowder, and damn cant think of anymore!!!
i love the way Tool makes the atmosphere feel! brings back old memories that i shared with my ex best friend Josh! I miss him a great deal but he has a girlfriend now so of course friendship with another girl is not a option! Stupid i know but that is society now!
I keep sitting here thinking of my new job as a pro photographer! and how much money ill be making but i still dont have someone special to share it with! but i guess that will come in time!
someone i work with said that the one guy i was with a week or so ago wants me as more then a f-friend and im sorry but i dont see that! hes a player and not worth my time, body or love! Had that before not dealing with that again!
One thing i will try my hards on in my life will be meeting Linkin Park!!! Megan and i will meet them if its the last thing i do! I am determined too!! They got me through so much in my life!
Well i gots to go,
i feel so alone right now. I hate it. I just want to cry my heart out. I wish i had what most people have. A. Normal. Life. or something close to it!
I wish they were real. The only thing that I’ve ever felt truly close to! I know it’s silly! But i’ve never had a mom and never really had a dad. I’ve been past around to every family but never really been taking care of by the ones i’m to be taken care of! I’ve always had to fight for what i wanted ALWAYS! Love, money, life, happiness! I just one thing to want to fight for me! and maybe thats why i fell for Raphael. Because he always fights for his family! Why cant i find someone like that. I’m not searching for it but i do dream about it every night. To be held by someone who truly cares for you! Someone to protect me for once. Instead of having to protect myself all the time. I’ve almost given up all hope when i was 14. I didnt want to wake up anymore. It’s still fresh in my mind the feeling i had that day. As i was bleeding out i felt freedom like I could breath for once! Not having to make sure i was doing this for someone or watching what i was doing at all times! I should have dead that day but strangely i stopped bleeding. Cut was so deep, long and followed the vain prefectly there was no reason for me to have lived. But here i am. So there most be something improtant i’m here to do.
I love the TMNTs because they know my pain and i know theirs! I stick myself in their world to keep the pain away. But sometimes like now its creeps up and drags me under! I fight my hardest to keep smiling, laughing or just not letting it take a hold but it still does!
I’m going to bed to help this to go away,
Yo world GUESS WHAT?!?!
i has PINK hair now! YAY!
I’m on skype now. If you want to chat just message me on there taylorreish. & NO SEXY TALK OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE!!! I don’t have sex in person so i’m not going to on the interwebs ether! (PERVERTS) XD
So today my day consisted of going up to the belltower and ringing the bells (from Why you shouldnt play with photobooth from YouTube —-> here’s the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vJpsLEWaig ) Its really funny so PLEASE DO PEE BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS! Anyway if you didn’t get that I was kidding then you are stupid (no offence)! So I made a Funny Tmnt Picture (you can see it to your right) because i was watching The Next Mutation (1997-98) YOUTUBE IT! cause i’m sick of pasting links XD. Then I went and hung out with my little cousins, their mom Stacey and my Aunt Robin. Willis turned 1 yesterday! He’s so funny! Just learned how to walk so he holds on to our fat dog Nemo. (you can see him above)
You know what’s really annoying is when my mom doesn’t like something on my Facebook and she says something along the lines of making herself sound like a asshole! All my friends don’t like her. Then you’ve got my dad who’s all like ok Pink hair cool! XD it’s so funny how different they are!
❤ W I L D T H I N G S H A K E I T W I L D T H I N G ❤
Sorry was singing to the trogg’s song wildthing! Then Manson came on! I ❤ his creepy ass! Speaking of creepy my friend stopped talking to me on Skype for some reason. Oh well. THANK GOD that this one dude on my skype isnt talking to me! Youre so pretty i like this this this that and this about you! it’s like DUDE! S H U T T H E F * * * U P!!! GR. He drives me up the wall dont get me wrong he’s a really nice dude an all but i can only take so much ya know? i’ve noticed alot that I have more balls then most guys and im talking figuratively! they just mostly gross me out! I like guys and all but i don’t want to really date them anymore! I want someone like Raphael. Strong, passionate, loner, independent, caring, rough around the edges, and has beautiful golden eyes! (NOT LIKE EDWARD CULLENS……..edweirds a pussy anyway!) But that’s going to be a 1 in a million pick! Gr! But i can’t wait to find him! ❤ ❤
So i’m going to surf the net some more and get caught up on my YouTube shows.
HUGS PEACE YO,