i feel so alone right now. I hate it. I just want to cry my heart out. I wish i had what most people have. A. Normal. Life. or something close to it!
I wish they were real. The only thing that I’ve ever felt truly close to! I know it’s silly! But i’ve never had a mom and never really had a dad. I’ve been past around to every family but never really been taking care of by the ones i’m to be taken care of! I’ve always had to fight for what i wanted ALWAYS! Love, money, life, happiness! I just one thing to want to fight for me! and maybe thats why i fell for Raphael. Because he always fights for his family! Why cant i find someone like that. I’m not searching for it but i do dream about it every night. To be held by someone who truly cares for you! Someone to protect me for once. Instead of having to protect myself all the time. I’ve almost given up all hope when i was 14. I didnt want to wake up anymore. It’s still fresh in my mind the feeling i had that day. As i was bleeding out i felt freedom like I could breath for once! Not having to make sure i was doing this for someone or watching what i was doing at all times! I should have dead that day but strangely i stopped bleeding. Cut was so deep, long and followed the vain prefectly there was no reason for me to have lived. But here i am. So there most be something improtant i’m here to do.
I love the TMNTs because they know my pain and i know theirs! I stick myself in their world to keep the pain away. But sometimes like now its creeps up and drags me under! I fight my hardest to keep smiling, laughing or just not letting it take a hold but it still does!
I’m going to bed to help this to go away,